He brings life- do not be afraid.

 My heart is so full it feels like it will burst. I am so grateful that the only way to express it is with tears and the quiet deep longings of my heart- crying out for more of you. I understand why "angels prostrate fall". There is no other way, no other response to a God so magnificent and Holy, so good and kind, so loving and gracious and giving. My words fail.

After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdelene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb.

There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from Heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled away the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.

The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; He has risen, just as He said. Come and see the place where He lay. Then go quickly and tell His disciples: He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see Him. Now I have told you.”

So the women hurried away, terrified yet full of joy, and ran to tell His disciples. Suddenly, Jesus met them. “Greetings,” He said. They came and clasped His feet and worshiped Him. Then Jesus said, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me.”

Heartbroken and full of joy. This isn’t the first time I have been here, have felt this strange mix of emotion that is both apprehension and marvel, hesitation and excitement. Fittingly, I seem to find myself here at the end of most seasons of life. This isn’t the first time this story has spoken deeply to my heart, stating exactly what I do not have words for.

I love these kids. I love their curiosity and zeal for life. I love their searching hearts and the way they are all  looking for Jesus, looking for love. Children have been loved to new life here, and some have been loved straight into the arms of Jesus this summer.

In the quiet of the evening, after I have spent the majority of my day pouring into hungry hearts and lives, I sneak into my secret place where I find Jesus and just sit with him. Praise him. Share my heart with Him. Commune with Him….but mostly, simply marvel in his greatness. At the end of our time together- when my eyes are so heavy I can hardly keep them open- I often hear my Creator whisper, “Beauty from ashes.” Initially, I wasn’t sure exactly what this was about, but nonetheless, I clung to it with all my strength because if nothing else, it was a good reminder.

After this summer I don’t just know it to be true, I have had a chance to live it. I have had the privilege to watch redemption take place, to reach out and touch it, to get to be a part of it. My God brings life.

God used this summer to heal my heart. I breathe long and deep all that God is doing in this place, all that He is allowing me to participate in, and my heart swells with gratitude, with deep, unshakable joy. And in the same breath, just like the women at the tomb, I am terrified. Because I know it to be true: in order to experience the deep joys of the Father, we must experience the heartaches, too- the goodbyes and the “see ya laters.” In order to know Jesus the way that I have known Him, I have had to give my heart to people in ways that I would never have chosen.

I can see the women with their eyes wide as they tremble in front of the tomb. They listen to the angel’s words – can it be? – and they scurry, terrified and filled with joy.

Is it possible to be full of joy and thankfulness and simultaneously afraid of what obedience might bring next? I feel it stirring in my heart, the strange mix of pain and excitement that I will feel with every goodbye, and every season of life God has planned for them that doesn’t involve me; the strange and devastating love that grows when we love the way Christ has loved us.

I sit here in the stillness of my grief and joy, allowing my mind to wander to strange places…

And Jesus meets me. And He says, “Do not be afraid.”

And I ask simply, “How?” Because as excited as I am about all He has planned, there is no denying that sometimes I am just plain scared.

His answer comes clear, steady. “Go and tell my brothers. Go and tell them the good news. Go and tell all the world that they will see me. They will see me.”

And His words ring true. We see Him here, in the midst of pain and hurt and suffering, we see His glory all around. We see Him reconciling all things to Himself, drawing all nations to Himself, making all things new.

I fall at His feet and worship Him, for it is the only thing I know to do. I clasp His feet and remember all He has done for me and all He has yet to do. I remember His resurrection - Life from death. Beauty from ashes. Beauty from the torture and the nail scars and the blood red life spilling out everywhere. Beauty from the black of the tomb. And He does this here in my life, He gives us life to the fullest, and we can see Him, even here.

We tremble. Because who wouldn’t tremble at the feet of the Savior? At just a glimpse of all He might have planned? But as we trust, we fill with joy and peace, we overflow with hope, just as it is promised. We know all He has done for us, and we know all that He has yet to do when He brings us into His kingdom.

And my prayer today is that we might not be afraid. Friend, whatever it is you are facing, do not be afraid. Whatever it is He is calling you to in obedience, rest assured – you will see Him! Go and tell the world of what He has done for us, for you! We can trust Him. And today, every day, we REJOICE in Him!

John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.