I think
of the woman in 1 Kings chapter 17 and hear the desperation in her rough, scratchy voice, see the bags under
her eyes as she wearily replies to the Elijah, “I don’t have any bread – only a
handful of flour in the jar and a little olive oil in a jug. I am gathering a
few sticks to take home and make a meal for myself and my son, that we may eat
it and die."
I know
this kind of desperation….the kind where you are convinced you will never have
enough…enough hope, enough peace, enough love to go ‘round, enough time.
Elijah
says to her as he reads her face, “ Don’t be afraid. Go home and do as you have
said, but first make a small loaf of bread for me from what you have and bring
it to me. Then make something for yourself and your son. For this is what the
LORD, the God of Israel, says: ‘The jar of flour will not be used up and the
jug of oil will not run dry until the day the LORD sends rain on the land.’”
So she
went. And she did EXACTLY what he said.
Do I
know this kind of trust?
To hope when
nothing seems to make sense? To know..in the deepest part of my heart.. that He
knows best, even when what He is asking of me seems impossible and completely
beyond what I see possible?
I don't
know much, actually I know almost nothing, but I am learning. I beg Him to bring
me closer to His heart daily so that I can learn to trust him more. Orphans get
us close- this is how He sees us. Adoption gets us close- this is how He brings
us into His family. Our attitude towards the poor, the widow, the prisoner, and
the beggar bring us close because these people are dear to Him. But NOTHING
gets us closer than injustice. I think of a Savior, who spent His whole life
doing nothing but good - saving and healing and feeding and helping - dying a
thief’s death and made a spectacle on a cross intended for anyone but Him. A
Father who desires good things for His children. A Father who could have
stopped it at any time, watched it happen. FOR ME…and I weep at the injustice
of it. It is here that I find myself closer and closer and closer to His heart.
It is in the moments that I recognize who I am in light of who He is that I can
do nothing but fall on my face and declare His goodness. It is always in these
moments that my life moves clearly into picture and I recognize how small I
really am. And here, in this
moment of feeling completely insignificant, I get an unblemished picture of His
heart. These are the people He loves. These are the people He chooses. These
are the people He is ALWAYS faithful to. The weak, the fearful, the
insignificant, the needy, the lonely, the liar, the cheater, the ones who
deserved His death. These are the ones.
So today,
I long to know the kind of trust the widow knew.
His love
and His strength, they will not run dry until He gets here, fresh rain on a
parched land. And I wait in hope for Him.
“So there
was food every day for Elijah and for the woman and her family. For the jar of
flour was not used up and the jug of oil did not run dry, in keeping with the
word of the LORD spoken by Elijah.”
Always
enough.
