Oh, to be there

There are no words to adequately express the longings of my heart, so I'll leave it at this.

Today I want nothing more than to be there....in Africa. Cuddling children who don't normally get cuddled, staring deep into coffee bean eyes, kissing giggling faces, and silently offering up prayers for every precious hand that reaches my way and excitedly exclaims "malungu! (white person)" My heart so deeply longs for this place. For these children. For MY children.

I am not but I know I AM

“How will they know we had this conversation?”  Moses likely stuttered.  “They won’t believe the burning bush thing even if I tell them and they won’t be able to sense the ‘otherness’ of Your presence like I can right now.  If they say, ‘And just who was this God you were talking to out in the wilderness?’ what will I tell them?”

            Can you believe it?  Moses is asking the God of all Creation to tell him His name.  It’s important here to grasp the gravity of the situation.  Of course, God already knew Moses’ name (He had repeatedly called him by his first name at the outset of this exchange).  But Moses didn’t know His.  Since the dawn of time, God had been referred to as Yahweh, mean Most High God – a name so revered by the generations preceding Moses, they rarely even wrote it out in full (choosing instead to abbreviate it).  But the revered title was really more of a description than a personal name.  No one knew God’s personal name.  And, as fare as we know, no one had dared to ask.

            You have to understand, it’s not at though God was a little higher and a little more holy than Moses, someone you’d just stroll up to and say, “Hey man, what’s up?”  No, we’re talking about the Infinite One – the One whose voice alone causes worlds to be born and grown men to hide their faces – having a conversation with a little, frail, finite creature.  A creature who wants to know if he can call almighty God by name.

            God was in no way obligated to answer, yet without hesitation, He did.  To this aging shepherd, God revealed His name, saying,

“I AM WHO I AM TELL THEM, I AM SENT ME TO YOU.”

What?  I’m pretty sure Moses didn’t get it right away.  In facet he was probably thinking,  That’s what I’m asking You, God. You are, who?  And the reply come back, “I AM [long pause], that’s who.” 

“Your name is I AM?”

“That’s right, Moses, my name is I AM WHO I AM, My name is I AM.”

            I wonder how long it took for God’s name to register in Moses’ brain . . .

It’s an amazing name.  In Hebrew the word for I AM is Hayah, the pronunciation of which originates deep down in the throat (think of the loud Karate expression here).  Hayah carries with it the idea of the very breath of God.

            In English the name I AM translates into the verb to be. Or simply be.

            Therefore, God’s name is Be.  I AM = I BE.  Not great grammar, I know, but powerful theology.

            God knew it was imperative for Moses to know who He was – that He was the I AM.  I AM is the present tense, active form of the verb to be.  As God’s name, it declares that He is unchanging, constant, unending, always present, always God.

            God was telling Moses:

            I AM the center of everything.

            I AM running the show.

            I AM the same every day, forever.

            I AM the owner of everything.

            I AM the Lord.

            I AM the Creator and Sustainer of life.

            I AM the Savior.

            I AM more than enough.

            I AM inexhaustible and immeasurable.

            I AM God.

            In a heartbeat, Moses knew God’s name – and something more.  He finally knew his.  For if God’s name is I AM, “Moses’ name must be I am not.

            I am not the center of everything.

            I am not in control.

            I am not the solution.

            I am not all – powerful.

            I am not calling the shots.

            I am not the owner of anything.

            I am not the Lord.

That’s my name, too.  And yours.  I am not.  Just try it under your breath, “my name is I am not.”

            I am not running anything.

            I am not the head of anything.

            I am not in charge of anything.

            I am not the maker.

            I am not the savior.

            I am not holding all together.

            I am not all – knowing.

            I am not God.

            Sure, people might call you Tommy or Eddie or Amanda or Juan or Michelle or Erin or Michael.  But, let’s face it, when you get right down to it, all of our names are I am not. 

And God’s name is still I AM.

While Moses was still reeling, God continued, “This is my name forever, the name by which I am to be remembered from generation to generation” (Exodus 3:15).  In other words, God wanted Moses to know that not only would He remain the same, His name would endure to every generation that would inhabit earth – even to our generations, mine and yours.

            I love this verse, because it puts us in the story.  Oh, you may have just been calling Him God all these years – and, in facts that’s who He is.  But He gladly told Moses His name is I AM [BE] and that’s still His name today.  Right now.  Wherever and whoever you are.

            God is big.  We are not.  He is calling the shots, directing the script, and determining the plot.  We are not, and, what’s really wild is that while He doesn’t need any of us, He is choosing to include us, inviting us into the story t hat never ends.  Try to fathom it – little you and me invited into the massive and mysterious story of the great I AM.

Are you up for it?

            I am not, but He knows my name.

            I am not, but He has pursued me in His love.

            I am not, but I have been purchased and redeemed.

            I am not, but I have been invited into The Story.

            I am not, but I know the Creator of the universe.

            I am not, but I know I AM!

            Let the depth and wonder of the words sink in.

            I am not, but I know I AM.

            That’s the complete story – the entire Gospel – the whole truth about who you are.  You are small, but you can be on first – name basis with I AM.  You’re beyond tiny, but every ounce of you has been bought and redeemed by God’s Son.  You are a galactic nobody – in fact 99.9999999999999999999999999999999 percent of the people on earth have never heard of you.  But God knows everything about you and calls you His own.

            What more could we possibly achieve on earth that is greater that what we already have?  We are already friends of God.  What greater prize or position could we hope to gain?  What praise of men could eclipse the voice of I AM speaking to us by name?

Take from: i am not but i know I AM -by Louie Giglio

Rainy Day Revelations

As I sit here typing I am comfortably perched in the sill of a two-story window that just so happens to be my favorite space in my home. I’m dry, warm, and completely safe; the storm raging outside is no threat to me as long as I remain on this side of the glass. If I step outside I will surely be drenched, cold, and have no way of protecting myself from the imminent consequences. While enjoying the pitter patter of the rain and attempting to pep talk myself into doing homework I had a bit of a revelation: this is what life with Jesus is like.  Not the pep talk or homework part, but the part about safety, security, and shelter. Jesus is the barrier the guards my heart from the outside world. He keeps my fragile heart safe as long as I stay “inside.” The moment I attempt to escape His grasp or His will I am no longer shielded from the unnecessary pain of the world that is so easily avoided by simply acting in obedience.

In Psalm 91 he promises this to be true:

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.

If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.“Because he[b] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him  and show him my salvation.”

How cool is that? The God of the Universe, who literally spoke the earth into motion, cares so deeply about me that he would be my shelter and fortress. He so longs to sit in the quiet moments of life with me and just be. He delights so deeply in the time we spend together in the safety that only He can offer.

Let us be a people who rest in the shadow of the Most High. Let us not try to live life on the other side of the glass where we were never intended to function and where pain is inevitable. Let us be faithful followers of a good God who loves to love His children.

His Favorites

The last week or two have been so full of God’s provision and abundant blessing in my life. Every day another gift, beautiful and unexpected. I am consistently surprised at just how good He is to me. I shared this with a close friend recently, giggling with as though I was surprised, and even a little caught off guard by His goodness, like a little girl who just received a gift from her Daddy. Most who know me understand the sweet response this would evoke due to the deep love I have for my father. My friend’s response was perfect. “He loves you, Alexa. You’re one of His favorites.” We kind of laughed it off, but after the conversation ended I couldn’t stop thinking about that statement- I’m one of His favorites. This is what I have felt like the past few weeks. Lavished with love. I can’t help but believe that this is what He wants every one of His children to feel, all the time. Each and every one of us created perfectly in His image. Each one cherished. Each one “one of His favorites.” How would life change and the way we treat/serve people change if we thought of each other as such? If we treated every person we came in contact with as beloved of God, cherished by God, one of God’s favorite people? I assume that our lives and ultimately our world would change drastically if we no longer looked at each other through the lens of stigmas and stereotypes, but rather, as God’s favorites. People he intricately knit together in their mother’s womb in His imagine. His. The God of the Universe delights, DELIGHTS, in us. Could we rest in that? Do we really believe that? In a world so bound up in pain, suffering, loss, disappointment, injustice, and sin it’s easy to lose sight of this truth. In fact, I think it is probably one of the biggest lies that Satan feeds us- “If you were really His favorite would he really put you through this or let this happen?” The hard truth is that despite his goodness he doesn’t make us choose Him, and so because we live in a broken messed up world with broken messed up people this pain in suffering often enters our lives because of our choices or the choices of others when we fail to choose Him. There is beauty to be found in this sad circumstance though- HE WASTES NOTHING. There is purpose in every breathe, tear, and giggle we breathe, cry, or laugh. He is always good. Our circumstances don’t change or define His character. He is constant; the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. AND….he even allows us, when we choose him, to be His hands and feet. To bring the hope that is found in Him, in the midst of chaos, to those around us. He gives us eyes to see people as His favorites. I just think that’s the coolest.

The Burning

It started with an ember. I could feel the slow constant burn inside me- one that couldn’t be put out. Much like any other ember, I knew that if it wasn’t contained it would surely set me on fire…and this time, I didn’t want it to be contained. I wanted a wildfire. Slowly, but surely, it began to set ablaze every once of dead material inside me. It was unexplainable; this passion couldn’t be contained and began to overflow into every area of my life. But then they came. The huge waves that threatened to quench the fire. To stop the blaze. There was stinging, distress, and loss. The world and its schemes menaced to entangle me. Before I knew it, my heart felt like a thousand pounds of weight I had no strength to carry. How could I stand? Ashamed, beaten, battered, and broken. On Calvary's hill He took on the blackened sogginess of my heart. The Light entered in and acted as lighter fluid. The damp ground of my soul now had the capacity to burn. None could conceal His flame. Not even death. The flame purified the deepest part of my inner being and my heart was not only made clean but was made NEW.  Oh, how can this be? From darkness to light I stand. From overcome by the wave to safe on the shore. From unable to burn to set on fire. Perfect before my King. Purified by the fire that cannot be put out.

Lord, that I may STAND.

Driven, Fighting, Running,

Unashamed and Unafraid.

There is nothing else worth living for.

Feeling Life

Have you ever really FELT alive? Felt the strength and power living inside your physical body? Most of the time I just live my life, so used to living in this earth suit that I fail to even think of the life that exists inside of it- the life that was breathed into it. I go through the routines of my day without giving a second thought to the fact that there is a beating heart inside my chest, blood running through my veins, and a brain functioning at a level higher than any other organism on the planet. Then my naïve, and sometimes indifferent, heart is exposed to pain. Divorce, a cancer diagnosis, the loss of a loved one, consequences of a bad decision… Suddenly, the fact that I have life, and that life can and will be threatened, brings it all clearly into focus. I am afraid. I know I am not resilient enough to withstand the pain and pressures coming at me from every direction. Then I encounter Jesus in these moments and everything changes…. its not just about staying alive anymore. Each new morning becomes a celebration, every meal consumed and calorie converted to energy becomes a victory.  The ability to take a walk, or feel the cool breeze of summer produces a wellspring of gratitude.  Quiet moments, whispered prayers, unspoken looks become treasured proofs of life to hang on to.

If life metaphorically became a hike I imagine that I would grab a walking stick and step into the river of daily routines and appointments without thinking much it. I’m fearful I would quickly realize that I hadn’t planned very well and the water was too high and the current too strong. I hadn’t taken any precautions to counteract these natural things- high water and strong currents. I know that if I'm not careful, if I misstep, I will be quickly carried, tumbling, downstream into anxiety and utter chaos. I try with everything inside me to plant each foot deliberately, but I’m just not strong enough. I can’t do it on my own. I need someone to walk in front of me- someone to follow. These are the moments I throw myself onto the banks of the river and throw my hands up in surrender. Often I cry out in desperation feeling as thought these cries are in vain, but Jesus meets me here. He quiets my heart, whispers, “follow me,” and helps me back onto my feet. I feel the strength of my thighs, as I stand strong against the rapids. I am no longer afraid of being overcome. I feel the life inside of me. Life to the full. My heart is beating. Adrenaline is firing into my system.  My lungs are drawing in clean, crisp mountain air. I follow my guide and begin to climb up over the falls to get to the quiet pools above. The river fights against my path; I struggle on, up over the giant rocks. Finally reaching the other side, I step on the rocks of the bank. I have made it to the other side. This shouldn’t be possible. I begin to cry. I am so grateful for this moment. I am thankful that my body is healthy. I am thankful that I have life living in me. I am overwhelmed with gratitude. And so begins a private worship service, just me and my God. My shepherd. My Prince of Peace. My Victory. Just us. Feeling Life.

Job 10:12

"You gave me life and showed me your unfailing love. 

My life was preserved by your care."