The Burning

It started with an ember. I could feel the slow constant burn inside me- one that couldn’t be put out. Much like any other ember, I knew that if it wasn’t contained it would surely set me on fire…and this time, I didn’t want it to be contained. I wanted a wildfire. Slowly, but surely, it began to set ablaze every once of dead material inside me. It was unexplainable; this passion couldn’t be contained and began to overflow into every area of my life. But then they came. The huge waves that threatened to quench the fire. To stop the blaze. There was stinging, distress, and loss. The world and its schemes menaced to entangle me. Before I knew it, my heart felt like a thousand pounds of weight I had no strength to carry. How could I stand? Ashamed, beaten, battered, and broken. On Calvary's hill He took on the blackened sogginess of my heart. The Light entered in and acted as lighter fluid. The damp ground of my soul now had the capacity to burn. None could conceal His flame. Not even death. The flame purified the deepest part of my inner being and my heart was not only made clean but was made NEW.  Oh, how can this be? From darkness to light I stand. From overcome by the wave to safe on the shore. From unable to burn to set on fire. Perfect before my King. Purified by the fire that cannot be put out.

Lord, that I may STAND.

Driven, Fighting, Running,

Unashamed and Unafraid.

There is nothing else worth living for.

Feeling Life

Have you ever really FELT alive? Felt the strength and power living inside your physical body? Most of the time I just live my life, so used to living in this earth suit that I fail to even think of the life that exists inside of it- the life that was breathed into it. I go through the routines of my day without giving a second thought to the fact that there is a beating heart inside my chest, blood running through my veins, and a brain functioning at a level higher than any other organism on the planet. Then my naïve, and sometimes indifferent, heart is exposed to pain. Divorce, a cancer diagnosis, the loss of a loved one, consequences of a bad decision… Suddenly, the fact that I have life, and that life can and will be threatened, brings it all clearly into focus. I am afraid. I know I am not resilient enough to withstand the pain and pressures coming at me from every direction. Then I encounter Jesus in these moments and everything changes…. its not just about staying alive anymore. Each new morning becomes a celebration, every meal consumed and calorie converted to energy becomes a victory.  The ability to take a walk, or feel the cool breeze of summer produces a wellspring of gratitude.  Quiet moments, whispered prayers, unspoken looks become treasured proofs of life to hang on to.

If life metaphorically became a hike I imagine that I would grab a walking stick and step into the river of daily routines and appointments without thinking much it. I’m fearful I would quickly realize that I hadn’t planned very well and the water was too high and the current too strong. I hadn’t taken any precautions to counteract these natural things- high water and strong currents. I know that if I'm not careful, if I misstep, I will be quickly carried, tumbling, downstream into anxiety and utter chaos. I try with everything inside me to plant each foot deliberately, but I’m just not strong enough. I can’t do it on my own. I need someone to walk in front of me- someone to follow. These are the moments I throw myself onto the banks of the river and throw my hands up in surrender. Often I cry out in desperation feeling as thought these cries are in vain, but Jesus meets me here. He quiets my heart, whispers, “follow me,” and helps me back onto my feet. I feel the strength of my thighs, as I stand strong against the rapids. I am no longer afraid of being overcome. I feel the life inside of me. Life to the full. My heart is beating. Adrenaline is firing into my system.  My lungs are drawing in clean, crisp mountain air. I follow my guide and begin to climb up over the falls to get to the quiet pools above. The river fights against my path; I struggle on, up over the giant rocks. Finally reaching the other side, I step on the rocks of the bank. I have made it to the other side. This shouldn’t be possible. I begin to cry. I am so grateful for this moment. I am thankful that my body is healthy. I am thankful that I have life living in me. I am overwhelmed with gratitude. And so begins a private worship service, just me and my God. My shepherd. My Prince of Peace. My Victory. Just us. Feeling Life.

Job 10:12

"You gave me life and showed me your unfailing love. 

My life was preserved by your care."