After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of
the week, Mary Magdelene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb.
There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of
the Lord came down from Heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled away the stone
and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning and his clothes were white as
snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead
men.
The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid,
for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here;
He has risen, just as He said. Come and see the place where He lay. Then go
quickly and tell His disciples: He has risen from the dead and is going ahead
of you into Galilee. There you will see Him. Now I have told you.”
So the women hurried away, terrified yet full of
joy, and ran to tell His disciples. Suddenly, Jesus met them. “Greetings,”
He said. They came and clasped His feet and worshiped Him. Then Jesus said, “Do
not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see
me.”
Heartbroken and full of joy. This isn’t the first
time I have been here, have felt this strange mix of emotion that is both apprehension
and marvel, hesitation and excitement. Fittingly, I seem to find myself here at
the end of most seasons of life. This isn’t the first time this story has
spoken deeply to my heart, stating exactly what I do not have words for.
I love these kids. I love their curiosity and
zeal for life. I love their searching hearts and the way they are all looking for Jesus, looking for love. Children
have been loved to new life here, and some have been loved straight into the
arms of Jesus this summer.
In the quiet of the evening, after I have spent
the majority of my day pouring into hungry hearts and lives, I sneak into my
secret place where I find Jesus and just sit with him. Praise him. Share my
heart with Him. Commune with Him….but mostly, simply marvel in his greatness. At
the end of our time together- when my eyes are so heavy I can hardly keep them
open- I often hear my Creator whisper, “Beauty from ashes.” Initially, I wasn’t
sure exactly what this was about, but nonetheless, I clung to it with all my
strength because if nothing else, it was a good reminder.
After this summer I don’t just know it to be
true, I have had a chance to live it. I have had the privilege to watch
redemption take place, to reach out and touch it, to get to be a part of it. My
God brings life.
God used this summer to heal my heart. I breathe
long and deep all that God is doing in this place, all that He is allowing me
to participate in, and my heart swells with gratitude, with deep, unshakable
joy. And in the same breath, just like the women at the tomb, I am terrified.
Because I know it to be true: in order to experience the deep joys of the
Father, we must experience the heartaches, too- the goodbyes and the “see ya
laters.” In order to know Jesus the way that I have known Him, I have had to
give my heart to people in ways that I would never have chosen.
I can see the women with their eyes wide as they
tremble in front of the tomb. They listen to the angel’s words – can it be? –
and they scurry, terrified and filled with joy.
Is it possible to be full of joy and thankfulness
and simultaneously afraid of what obedience might bring next? I feel it
stirring in my heart, the strange mix of pain and excitement that I will feel with
every goodbye, and every season of life God has planned for them that doesn’t involve
me; the strange and devastating love that grows when we love the way Christ has
loved us.
I sit here in the stillness of my grief and joy,
allowing my mind to wander to strange places…
And Jesus meets me. And He says, “Do not be afraid.”
And I ask simply, “How?” Because as excited as I
am about all He has planned, there is no denying that sometimes I am just plain
scared.
His answer comes clear, steady. “Go and tell my
brothers. Go and tell them the good news. Go and tell all the world that they
will see me. They will see me.”
And His words ring true. We see Him here, in the
midst of pain and hurt and suffering, we see His glory all around. We see Him
reconciling all things to Himself, drawing all nations to Himself, making all
things new.
I fall at His feet and worship Him, for it is the
only thing I know to do. I clasp His feet and remember all He has done for me
and all He has yet to do. I remember His resurrection - Life from death. Beauty
from ashes. Beauty from the torture and the nail scars and the blood red life
spilling out everywhere. Beauty from the black of the tomb. And He does this
here in my life, He gives us life to the fullest, and we can see Him, even
here.
We tremble. Because who wouldn’t tremble at the
feet of the Savior? At just a glimpse of all He might have planned? But as we
trust, we fill with joy and peace, we overflow with hope, just as it is
promised. We know all He has done for us, and we know all that He has yet to do
when He brings us into His kingdom.
And my prayer today is that we might not
be afraid. Friend, whatever it is you are facing, do not be afraid. Whatever it
is He is calling you to in obedience, rest assured – you will see Him! Go and
tell the world of what He has done for us, for you! We can trust Him. And
today, every day, we REJOICE in Him!
John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.
