Did I really want what I prayed for?

This year on my birthday, in February, I posted the following status on Facebook:

This year has been quite the whirl wind in every way imaginable. It's so neat to look back and see the transformation that has taken place in my life not only in the past year, but for the past 20! He is faithful, my friends. In the next decade, and for all the years to follow, I desire for the splendor of The Lord to be released in my life. I desire character, virtue, and love. I desire to be uncomfortable, as much as I detest it. I desire for every good thing that The Lord is, in me, to be exposed. Most of all, I want to wake up every morning with a heart that truly believes that "Jesus is better".

Today, about four months later, as I am serving as a student ministries intern at Hill Country Bible Church I don't believe this prayer could be any more true. Everyday I have the responsibility of pouring into kids lives with the sole intention of pointing them to Jesus. It's the best. I truly believe that there is no place I would rather be, but man is it hard. I am placed in uncomfortable situations daily. I am asked to love on and connect with students who literally want nothing to do with me. My character is put to the test and the yucky parts of me are often exposed....and somehow I am still surprised and even a little annoyed by it every single time. But why? I prayed for this. I WANT this. I want those little things about me to be redeemed and refined by Jesus. I want His love to work in and through my life. I want to be outside my comfort zone so that I have no choice but to rely on Him. I want to grow. I desire so deeply for His name to be made famous, but at what cost? Am I really willing to feel so awkward or for my failures to be so obvious? Everything inside of me longs to cover these messy parts and to stay in the situations where I know I can succeed , but if my heart truly believes that "Jesus is better" than I have to be willing to go to the hard places. I will choose to rejoice in the awkwardness of it all because I know that Jesus is my source of satisfaction- not my performance, comfort, or popularity. Only Him.  Oh, He is faithful.

" God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him" - John Piper.